Sunday, 10 December 2017


I have been putting off making this next post. I just didn't know how to address this feeling at all. First I thought I would make this post only about this, but I felt it would feel too sad to have a longish break and then shove only more sad to your faces. So I'll just throw all the things in this post, all the sadness in the end.

Pleather top - Forever 21
Belt - Second hand
Skirt - H&M
Gloves - Ebay
Choker - Etsy, rowansoriginals
Shoes - Second hand, Demonia

It really doesn't help that I was feeling pretty sad already. Every day seems like a huge obstacle. Part of it is probably the winter depression kicking butt, but I feel that there might be something else too. Today I felt a little bit better since I had time to dress up and have time to myself. I'm also glad that we will have a proper 2 week Yule vacation soon, it's the longest vacation I have had in a year, I can't wait.

I found out that Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds are playing in Pori Jazz festival this summer! I reaaally would want to go see them but I am still not sure if the Lumous Gothic Festival is in the same week. Though Nick Cave is on on a Thursday and I usually go to the Lumous from Friday to Sunday, so it might work out anyway. We'll see!

I also have the Depeche Mode tickets for February and hotel all booked for WGT. All sorts of goodness coming up next year. At least something to look forward on. 

Since a reading bug bit me, I of course needed to get new books to shove in to my bookshelf. The encyclopedia of Demons and Demonology and The Lesser key of Solomon I already have read since I have the pdf files of those. But I felt like I wanted the physical books as well since I keep coming back to those. I have read the most of the Treading the Mill by Nigel G. Pearson, it's a solid good book about traditional witchcraft for those who are unfamiliar with it, or to those who want to deepen their knowledge of it. The Letters from the Devil's forest it up next on my reading list.

Ever since I was a kid, I loved to watch Asterix and Obelix movies when ever they were on, and when I found the comics, I was overwhelmed with joy. I used to spend hours after school at the library, reading Asterix and Obelix, Tintin and Lucky Luke. My favorite character from Asterix and Obelix was the druid Getafix (Fin. Akvavitix). So when I saw this sickle in the final sales of this gothy website, I felt nostalgia, happiness, and realized that it would be perfect for my herb harvesting. Since.. you know... it's made for that.

My new mini SNES! I seriously just got it for the Super Mario World, but there's also the Final Fantasy 3, Yoshis Island and Castlevania, I really want to play those too.

Here's also a recent drawing. I have really been getting back to the drawing board, even though it still feels like I'll never be good enough for me. Might still at least try.

So here it is.
Our family dog died about a month ago and he was really important to me. His name was Ransu and we adopted him in year the 2001, when I was 8. Though my mom thinks it was 2000 so I'm not quite sure. So yes, he was quite an old dog, but he was small and a mixed breed one so it wasn't that strange. He was the best dog I could have ever had growing up.

I saw his end coming. He had not been feeling that well for a while and every time I visited my parents, I feared it would be the last time I get to say good bye to my old friend. And finally the feared phone call came.

Since I knew what was coming, I had some time to process it in advance, but it still hurt. The next week I would constantly break out crying without any warning. Which was hard to deal with, especially at work. Eventually it got better and now it only happens every once in a while. But it still hurts. I'm wiping away my tears as I write this.

And here... Here's a puppy picture of my dear sweet Ransu. Rest in peace, I'll love you always. ❤


  1. Voi pientä :( Karvaisen perheenjäsenen menettäminen on kyllä kova isku. Haleja <3

  2. My deepest sympathies on your dear Ransu. Losing a beloved dog is incredibly difficult.

  3. I'm so sorry to hear the loss of your dog.

  4. Very sorry to hear of your loss. <3

  5. Koskettava muistoteksti. Otan osaa suruusi. <3 Vielä tuoreessa muistissa parin vuoden takainen suru, kun paras ystäväni Elsa (kissa) nukkui pois.

    1. Kiitos <3 Karvakamut jättää semmoisen jäljen sydämeen ettei sitä kyllä ikinä unohda.

  6. I'm so sorry for your loss, saying goodbye to your beloved pets are one of the worst things in the world. But crying helps, even though it's hard too. Take care of yourself!

  7. My condolences.
    Don't let that depression bring you down! Focus on the things you love, and look forward to the summer! All the shows and festivals will be there soon enough!

    1. Thank you <3
      It's just sometimes too easy to end up in the depressive state and not get out. But I'll try, thanks.