Well I guess always have had a passion for black. I have always worn strange things, have had lots of negative comments about it too. In junior high school it they really crushed my spirits and I mostly used normal clothes, with some minor touches of my own. Like some arm warmers, band shirts, dark make up... I still remember the day I had the courage to wear bold dark eyeliner for the first time. There were people laughing behind my back, classmates making rude comments and laughing, some fake ass bitch who came up to me and asked "Oh wow how did you do thaaaat? Is it like in your eye?". I didn't know she was just mocking me at the time, I do now.
I also had an account in some picture thing online. You know, where you post your pictures? Some of my friends had an account there too. Also the same ass twat who rudely commented on my make-up had an account there. I posted some pictures, just normal stuff. Then I posted this one picture where I was at a cruise ship cafe, I had a funny face, I also had one of those baseball caps on, those what the "saggy pants" use. I had got it from Tallinn, as a souvenir. I liked it since it had a really cool skull on it and it was all black. I wore it because I liked it, I didn't care if it was really in my "style range" or not. Well anyway, the bitch commented something like this:
H: Onks sulla tommone lippa?
H: Ahaa okeei.. Mä jo luulin että sä oot jokin wannabe gootti-hevari-hoppari tai jotai
H: You have a cap like that? :o
Me: A souvenir
H: Oooh. okaaay.. I thought you were a some kind of wannabe goth-metalhead-rapper or something
I got so angry about that comment. If I would get a comment like that today, I would punch the person in the face the next time I saw her/him.
At this time (about 7-8th grade) I only mostly listened to metal. Mostly liked to be identified as a metal head. Didn't really know much about goth music at all.
In 9th grade I got depressed. I stopped giving a fuck about what people say. My clothing got more and more black, and more what I wanted it to be. Slowly I got over the depression, but the not giving a fuck just stayed. In high school I felt like I could wear what ever I wanted, and I did. I discovered the music in first year of high school. From there it has grown to the way it is now in to a lifestyle. Slowly but surely, I have taken the things in my head, out in the open, for all people to see.
In black I feel home. I'ts just the color that pleases my eye. So why wouldn't I wear black? Black is beautiful. It's the ultimate darkness that makes me feel like myself. I love all things dark. It makes me feel beautiful to myself. Black clothes are in harmony with each other, they are like little pieces of art that I can combine in the ways that I want, to make myself a walking sculpture. With it I can fulfill my artistic needs every day. Gothic culture has the masters of dark wear. After I started following the culture, and I ended up picking little tips here and there. Ways to perfect my little pieces. I get inspired by the music, culture, movies, little creepy crawlies, and just about anything!
If I someone ever told me to wear something else, I would punch them from here to mars. It's my joy and pleasure to look the way I want to. It has taken me years to come to this point, I am not going to change myself, people are just going to have to deal with it. My personality, likes and dislikes come with this look. It's a package deal. But still, I don't take me, or myself too seriously. I can laugh at myself.