Winter gloom

These top pictures are from today but the rest are from the last month or so. I got sick of my long hair and yesterday I went and got half of it chopped off.

 

I have not taken pictures of myself for such a long time. I almost forget how.

 I also feel very self conscious due to the weight I have gained. But I am working on it. Yeah yeah, I feel like I complain about this every time.

I had a longish very nasty depressing period where I was pretty sure I was gonna die. A doctor removed a big annoying lump from my armpit which I was convinced was cancer or something. After waiting a month for the results from the lab, they didn't find anything cancerous from it. Still feel like its a little bit sus. All the time I was struggling with it, I didn't feel like much talking to anyone. Just had my boyfriend for support. Even with that I binge ate and drank a whole lot.

He has really been my rock and my support and helped me to keep my mind from the gutters. Its sometimes hard when he is not with me, due to his profession. But it just makes the time we have together so much more special.

 

Hat - Killstar
Belt - Killstar
Dress - H&M
Jacket - Ebay, second hand
Choker - Gift from a friend, Killstar
Shoes - Dollskill

Sometime ago we had a date night and we went to play glow ping pong in a new club in Tampere.

We also went to play board games in a board game café Taverna.

Boyfriend also got us a PS5 for xmas!

So of course I had to run and get some games for us. I'm pretty far along in the God of War, I don't want to start the Elden Ring before I have gone through it cause the different buttons confuse the heck out of me. So far the God of War has been amazing.

I also had a small trip to Rauma and we went to see Lukko - TPS game. And as usual I had a little bit too much to drink.

Besides the distracting activities, it has been hard to get anything done that really needs to be done. 

Just trying to get my life together and start being productive again. I guess this post is a good start on that.

Amsterdam trip

 My boyfriend surprised me with a trip to Amsterdam for my birthday!

We stayed for 4 days and went to so many places and museums and had so much fun.

Here are some pictures. Some of them you might have seen if you saw them on my insta stories.

Excalibur Bar
Loved this bar, got their t-shirt also, I'll show it at some point cause its so cool!

Basilica of Saint Nicholas

Artis Zoo

Heineken Experience

The Heineken Experience was pretty cool, they took us to a tour on the old factory got to taste some beer, had weird light shows, got to make our own Heineken bottle with our choice of text and bring it home, and there was a bar at the end where we got some more beer. BEER!

Torture museum

Maritime Museum

Kattenkabinet

House of Bols
Also an interesting tour in the history and making of Bols gin and also got a drink of our choice at the bar. I fell in love with the elderflower Bols but I think I cant find that from Finland. :(
We actually only went there because we tried to get to Van Gogh museum but it was sold out.

Body Worlds

Red light district

Just some places we visited, didn't take pictures of everything. Took more pictures than usual which is good enough I suppose. Could have stayed for more days, so much was left that we didn't have time to see. A very beautiful city all in all.

Lifes shit and then you die

I'm still alive, kinda, maybe.

I have been away from my social medias for over a year. Part of it is just plain lazy most of it was emotional agony and trauma I was put through by my ex. Took me a while to heal and feel good about myself again. He turned out to be one hugely shitty person and I should have seen it coming. I was emotionally abused for 2 years straight. Lied to daily. 

Finally it all came out and I left.

I moved to Tampere, tried to get my life together. It felt like a hard thing at first, but after the move I realized I have never been truly happy in my old life. First time I was truly happy was in this tiny studio apartment, in a city I love, having my own space, being able to fully be in control of my own life. Also found a part time job which is the best job I have ever had. Found an amazing partner who is the kindest person I have ever met. One I know would never hurt me. 

I think the whole experience really made me grow as a person. As cliché as it sounds.

I know what kind of people I want in my life and all others can kiss my ass goodbye. 

I was kinda planning on making a long as post with punch of pictures I have taken during the last year. But I just wanted to post these first. So I guess stay tuned for that. I'll get in more detail what my life is like now in that post. I'm just really jazzed about this jacket I made. Its not yet finished but I'm a bit unsure where to go from here with it.

Jacket - Second hand, diy by me
Skirt - Second hand
Boots - Hard leather Stuff
Necklace - DIY
Pouch - Sewn by me
Belt with chains - Etsy
Top - Dollskill

I'm a bit rusty with outfit pictures and all this blogging stuff so excuse me. I wore this outfit to and Evanescence concert, which was a while ago. 

Anyways see you soon! (fingers crossed)