Fall Leaves Appreciation

 Today me and my boyfriend visited the Uusikaupunki cemetery for the first time ever. There is a small section of old graves and I wanted to see them! There were few interesting gravestones, one of which towered like 4 meters in the air, as well as one that was eaten by a tree. There was also a maple that was struck by lightning. All these wonders and I took pictures of me and the leaves. I was in too much awe I guess. 

 I have had this Punk Rave dress for ages but I have not worn it much, but today it felt like it really fit my Fall mood. Though it feels like the sleeves of this dress are an annoying length on me, but the hood is a killer!

I am pretty excited about the weather getting colder since I can start doing many layers to my outfits again! Warm and comfy layers! Though I hope it doesn't get too cold. That's not good either.

Dress - Punk Rave
Belt - Killstar
Shoes - Flea Market

I got myself a jump rope! I have not jumped rope since like 3-4th grade, but I heard it's great exercise and I wanted to add it to my routine next to yoga and Ringfit. I'm glad I still can jump rope after all these years! 

I really want to shake off some excess kilos that haunt me. I did get rid of some previously, but I kinda fell back when depression hit.

   

I'm pretty sad we don't have a big maple tree in our yard. We have couple of small ones and a medium one behind our trashcan thing. But nothing really beats the quantity of leaves that fall from a grand maple.

I hope you are having a great Fall!

I have gotten my sleeping schedule back on track for streaming as well! So hopefully I am able to do some steams next week and not fall asleep after one hour. 

See you soon! 

Start of Fall

I have a constant sleepy feeling, I think I need to start exercising every now and then to not feel like a big baked potato.

   

But anyways. I got 2 months free trial on skillshare. Initially I wanted freshen up my oil painting knowledge so I could make the best painting of my cat I could. But that kind of got jammed since I noticed I don't have a big enough canvas for it. So before I can proceed with that I need to find a proper sized canvas.

Life seems slow. 

 

It makes me giddy seeing the leaves changing and Halloween stuff popping up in stores... I really don't have any money at the moment to spend on such things, but just seeing them makes me dive in to the Fall feels.

Seriously I can't even remember when was the last time I styled my hair this way.. Must be like 5 years ago. I really wanna test all sorts of different styles to see which ones work best for me.

I constantly wanna stream but I just feel so tiered that sleeping seems more appealing right now. Need to get my shit together. Makes me sad that sleepiness and general exhaustion keep me away form my art projects and other stuff I love doing. Kinda funny how most of my blogposts recently seem to be pictures of me + me complaining how sleepy or depressed I am. Oh gosh.

I hope Fall, Samhain and Halloween will inspire me a bit.

Top - Shein
Collar - Killstar
Shoes - Gothic shoe co.
Skirt and cross belt - From a company with questionable ethics
Gloves - Ebay

The wait

At the moment I am waiting for my internet to improve so I could stream. It doesn't look very good for today. But hopefully on Saturday when I want to do my birthday stream all will look better.
For Saturday night I kinda want to bring boyfriends steering wheel and pedals to the computer room and play Wreckfest and maybe drink while doing that.

For non stream things. I had a slight slump in my mental health and instead of it steadily improving like it has been doing for a month it took some steps back. So I took some days to just painting, playing and sleeping. Why do I get the deja vu feeling form saying that, oh gosh. 

I recently started an oil painting of my cat and hopefully that will be the first painting I feel comfortable sharing here after... years? I used to like sharing my art a lot but nowadays I just like painting for myself and very personal stuff. Those get pushed at the back of the closet but it's fine since it's more about the ritual of making them for me.

Necklace - Tommy Vowles
Waist belts - Boohoo
Chains - Hardware store
Skirt - Flea Market
Shoes - Gothic Shoe Co.
Top - Flea Market
Lace Gloves - Ebay

One thing about the fall coming soon is I start to get the urge to read a lot. Good thing I have a bunch of books waiting for me to grab them. Maybe some Stephen King? 

That's all for today! See you soon!

I don't give a damn

 Against my usual fluffiness I tried for a softer look for today. It must be like first time in my whole life that I used a curling iron to curl my hair. I have had a curling iron for at least 10 years and I used it first time today. It shows since my hair looks more wavy than curly I guess. But I liked it anyways, at least it fits all this lace.

Top - Dreamgirl
Skirt - Lindex (old)
Belts - Second Hand
Shoes - Second Hand, Demonia
Stockings - Ebay

 Just here to drop some outfit pics. I also did a Twitch stream again last night. You can still watch it from my Twitch channel, the link is in the sidebar. I streamed Layers of Fear, at least the first half of it. I was so damn scared I had to leave the rest of it for another day. It will be some time this week, and I need to take some encouragement booze for the rest of it. I also played some other games for some of the stream to calm my nerves.

I have such an inspiration to do stuff I love, to do content. To stream, to draw, to make this blog... I just feel so happy right now with how things are. Now I have the time and the energy for the things I like and I can't even express how good it feels.

Love ya!

Gray Day

Took some outfit pictures today, and managed to take only few before it started to rain. So I decided to go with what I had and took a blanket to my computer, opened the window to listen to the rain, put on mood lights and chill with a scary story stream while making these pictures ready for the blog. It's a gray day but I love it. 

Top - Boohoo
Skirt - Etsy, thetutustoreuk
Belt - Disturbia
Thights - Leg Avenue
Shoes - Demonia
Collar and cuffs - Random sex shop

 Tomorrow we were planning on going to the beach if it's warm enough. Might not be, but I'm sure there will be other warm days to come. I got a few new bathing suits for this summer a while back and I haven't gotten a chance to wear the other one yet, it's so super cute it demands to be used.

Today ( Wednesday night ) I have been planning to stream Fall Guys on Twitch. I hope the servers are working properly this time, and if you wanna come see me play, chat and chill, Welcome! If you can't make it today, you can tune in another day!

 Twitch channel

Nothing more for today but...

BOOOBS!

Streams afoot

Here I am again!

Let's start with the most obvious thing, I had my hair cut. Yesss, the hair you see in the pictures is not the wig I used to wear a lot, it's my actual hair. I got annoyed by the long hair and just needed something new.

Also things happened, I don't want to get in to it too much, but it means I will have a lot of free time for the rest of the year at least. So I thought what better use of my time than start streaming games on Twitch. I will try to stream 1-2 times a week for now, if you wanna follow me, here is a link to my Twitch profile: 5ande. Also you can follow my twitter where I always tweet when ever I start streaming. 

My internet does not sometimes want to cooperate with me so I will kinda have to choose my streaming times according to when my internet wants to give me at least enough speed to stream 1080p 30fps. It's usually the middle of the night here in Finland. I will be streaming all sorts of games. 

Come chat with me!

Top - Etsy, Blasphemy Clothing
Waist belt - Asos
Hole belt - Tokmanni
Bondage belt - Etsy, Ape Leather
Shoes - Demonia
Choker - Killstar
Necklace - Ebay

I also have bunch of other things I want to do now that I have the time I want to get back to the things I used to enjoy but rarely had time for. And hopefully that also means a lot more blog posts too.

Other than that I don't really have much to tell, not much summer adventures this year. No Lumous gothic festival ever again... I only watched this year through the streams and got pretty sad about it. I kinda want to make a post with a outfit appropriate for a burial of Lumous and kinda just write about the past ones I have been in... 

But I am also hopeful something great will surface for the Finnish goth scene, and replace it as a big yearly meet for us dark beings.

Then there is also corona, black lives matter, dollskill being evil, free the nipple...

Bunch of stuff happening. I fully support the black lives matter movement and if you don't, this isn't the place for you.

 Corona.. Is just being corona, situation is not very bad in Finland at the moment but it could just prepare itself for second wave.

 Dollskill, I have a bunch of stuff from there, and I will wear them like normal, but I wont promote or tag their items anymore, not here, not in Instagram. If you ask about an item I got from there, I will tell you where it's from, but I will also tell you to reconsider before buying, but also to make your own judgment with the info out there.

Free the Nipple, just friggin free the damn nipple!!!

Sorry to summarize all these important matters in to such a small space, but there is so much info out there about these things and I hope people will find the facts and separate them from opinions, so someones opinion wont automatically be your opinion. It will also make you more knowing about the matter at hand.

See you sooon!

Sitting around

Back to work on mondayyyy. Yippeee. I'm so happy that it's finally summer weather and my summer vacation ends. Great. At least we filled our hot tub yesterday and we got a new grill a while ago so we are gonna have a fun night today. Need to just get something to grill and beers and Breezers. Has anyone tried the new lemon and elderflower Breezer? It's delicious. Seriously.

Here, enjoy some pictures of me form yesterday!

Boots - Current Mood, Dollskill
Vest - Diy'ed
Bustier - Boohoo
Bondage belt - Ebay
Skirt - Ebay
Net body underneath - Widow, Dollskill
Choker - Killstar

Ugh my roots are starting to show, as well as my quarantine and vacation weight. On that regard I guess it's good in a way to get back in to rythm and start taking care of myself again.

  

 Well I better get to cleaning so hope you all have a great start to summer!

Purple haze

 Today's pictures are a bit different from normal. I love RGB lights, my desktop computer is full of them, my keyboard, my mouse, my mouse pad, my speakers... all rgb. So I decided I wanted my dressing room to look like a strip club and went nuts with it. I took our nanoleafs which were not currently used and put them up in there, bought some rgb bulbs and a rgb light curtain. Also for the pictures I dragged my ring light there, witch also has a rgb. I was also thinking about putting up a led light strip that would go all around the room but I'm not sure if that's a bit too much.

Harness - Killstar
Belt harness - Killstar
Top - Boohoo
Skirt - Widow, dolls kill
Rug - Killstar

I like these pictures and I kinda want to test it further. I also have a post with my old picture style coming up next, but I'm not sure how I want to continue after that. We will see!

I'm not super loving the pink but I adore how it looks with the blue lights..

Anyways, where has the time gone? In two weeks I am back at work and it makes me mad to even think about it. I still have so much gaming and drinking and feeling depressed to do before I get back there, yuck. It's been two months since I was at work, how do I even remember how to do it anymore, seesh.

Yesterday the mail brought me the highest heels I have now! Just by 1cm tough. The heel on these is 20,3cm. I splurged on these pleaser flamingo 1020's. Which I ordered through Deadfine. Surprisingly easy to walk with, I might need to get a pair of beyonds sometime later, I think the heel on those is 25,4cm.

 I just love love love these ones, especially how they look in my strip club dressing room.

 I FINALLY got my jewelry organized. I think I saw something like this someone on instagram had to organize their chokers and I really loved the idea. I used to have a bunch of key holders around the room and I had to pile up the necklaces on those which was a bit awkward. But this is perfect! I can see all of them at once and take out the one I want. Loving it. 

I bought this from Biltema and the hooks were separate, but pretty inexpensive. The thing itself only cost something like 6-8 euros.

Hope you have a great day and I'll see you again soon!

Happy summer I guess

I'm kinda pissed. My layoff was supposed to end at the start of next month. But nooooo, they forced me to start my summer vacation then so I will have my summer vacation in May. In Finland May is basically still winter. Though rarely it's the warmest month of the year, who knows, but I reaaaallly don't want to have the vacation now. Bunch of shit.

I'm just going to wear all my summery things I have been saving for warmer weather, no matter what's the temperature or what's coming down from the sky. I'll freeze my ass off, I don't care. Today was warm though, I like it. This was my outfit for a pizza run, cause what else there is to do than make yourself slightly less ugly.

Shirt - DIY from old band shirt
Belts - Flea markets
Skirt - H&M
Choker - DIY
Necklace - Ebay
Boots - Hard Leather stuff, Ebay

Well no matter, I have been still enjoying home time. I even kinda feel it's going too fast!

On thing I have been excited about is converting old band shirts into other kinda clothing. For example this Slayer T-shirt that I made in to a top, I also made corseting for the back so I can make it very form fitting if I want. I also have other projects I might show you later. For example I have this big XL Christian Death shirt I am not sure what to make of it. It might make a cute mini dress.

This outfit really brought back memories, slayer shirt, bunch of belts, bunch of leather bracelets and combat boots, it's like I'm 16 again.

I also did something different for my makeup today. Well it's not that much different I just added false lashes, which usually for me is too pain in the butt to do. But I really like the look, might start using them more. Only thing better than taking your bra off at the end of the day is taking off your false lashes ooohh maaan.

I have been thinking about like doing a little different post next maybe. Someone requested shoe collection.. I would have to do a youtube video and I don't really knooow if that really is the kinda thing I want to do? Maybe like a wardrobe staples or signature pieces or something like that. Well I do have TIME.

Whatever I'll go eat the rest of that pizza.

Home alone

Oops, I missed a month. No matter. Also I am sorry if sometimes it takes me a while to publish your comments. I greatly appreciate every comment and I want to be able to see every single one and answer them, that's why I have the monitoring on.

Also what on earth has happened to the world meanwhile? I'm sure you all are already so full of it so I won't get to it too much. My layoff started like a week ago, and immediately I got sick. Just a cough and a sore throat. Probably not the thing that's been going around, but annoying still. I have been feeling better today, so I decided to take some new pics and get back on track.

The current information is that we would get back to work in in a little more than 3 weeks. But you just never know with all this going on. They might just put us all on summer vacation for another 4 weeks after this layoff  or give us more layoff. Who knows.

Top - Originally a dress by Mercy, diy'ed in to a top
Top skirt - Lindex, Second hand
Bottom skirt - Ebay
Boots - Pennangalan, second hand
Tights - DIY
Collar - Killstar
Belts - Second hand

So far I am absolutely loving the quarantine time. I am sure that's not what everyone is feeling.. But

it's just amazing to be able to relax at home, not feeling guilty about being home all the time because you just literally have nowhere else to go! You aren't missing out on anything. 

My boyfriend is also away from home some days more so I am just completely alone with our cats and I am just loving it. I miss him sure, but it's just a nice change of pace.

Mostly with my free time, I have been playing Animal Crossing on my Switch, done some sewing and watching netflix. I have just been trying to heal my throat and rest as much as I can. I was also supposed to start streaming games on Twitch but our internet connection at the moment wont allow it. We need to get an external internet antenna and install it and blahblah, we'll see if I can get it going in a few weeks! I'll let you know on Instagram and twitter and facebook when I'm streaming if you want to watch!

GaH, I have not been writing much in english in such a long time and it feels a bit wobbly and inconsistent. I need to do it more.

I did do a diy project a while ago! I bought this bag from Zalando a while back in full intent to diy it. So I was searching through my craft box and I found some old crappy harnesses I bought from ebay forever ago and never used since there were things wrong with it. So I dug up my sewing machine and cut up the harness and this is what I came up with! I have been searching for a bag like this for a good while now. The studs, the straps, the faux leather, the o-rings.. I just wanted these things in bag form and here it is!

What do you think?

Anyways I'll update a few time this month, so see you soon!

Have you found things to do at home or are you already freaking out? 

Last minute

I made a secret promise to myself to at least post one blog post every month. WELL, now it's 29th of February, 8pm, it still counts right?

I forgot if I already talked about this, but anyway. I have not been feeling too good about myself since I gained some weight during the Christmas times. Not like a whole lot, but enough for me to feel crummy in every tight clothing I try on. So some weeks ago I started a light diet and added some exercise. I am already half way to the minimum amount I want to shake off, but a kilo or two more couldn't hurt. 

    

Top - Second hand
Choker - Killstar
Skirt - Lindex
Jacket - Asos
Necklace - Fleamarket
Shoes - Demonia, second hand
Belts - All second hand
Stockings, tights, undershirt - Diy'ed ebay shit
Bracelets - Ebay

My work schedules changed in the beginning of the year.  Even thought it's neat to have every weekend off, I just hate it. I hate that it's 5 days of work without a day off. We used to have a max of 4 days in a row. I also loved having days off in the middle of the week, you could do your shopping and stuff when no one else was around. I hate going to the store in the weekends or after work hours.

  

It already feels like spring! Sure there are nights when it's a bit cold but the days are longer and there is no snow anywhere!

This sitting picture got a bit too much overexposure but I still liked it enough to try to save is as best I could.

I got my financial situation in a bit of a wobble ever since my layoff, but it's slowly getting back on track! But because of this I had to miss some events I really wanted to attend and it really sucks. As much as I love staying home all the time, there's a limit to it. Would love to just go all out dancing! 

Some time ago I acquired a Nintendo Switch! Mainly because the Animal Crossing New Horizons is coming out 20th of March and I just could not miss out on it! I have been obsessed with Animal Crossing ever since I got Wild World for Nintendo DS 2006. From there on I have bought every game, even the Wii U one is sitting on my shelf even though I never had Wii U. 

Meanwhile I have been playing Pokemon Shield. I also got Ring Fit adventure since it looked like fun and anything to help me exercise is more than welcome! 

New year new shit

My 4 week winter vacation is over after this week. Didn't do much of the things I wanted, but at least I feel well rested for now. 

I'm a herp derp who thinks they can change just like that, when the year tuned 2020 I felt like I wanted to start getting back to blogging and Instagram and all that nonsense, it's going well so far.... Right...? Also another thing related to that. I wanted to not be so hard on myself. I used to take a bunch of pictures and then just do anything with them because they were not 100% perfect. Or I would take 100 pictures and still not be happy and take 50 more, it's insane. I can't keep that up every day.

These pictures aren't perfect on my standards, but what the hell, here you go.

Top - Halpa Halli
Choker - Killstar
Waist belt - ASOS
Skirt - Second hand
Shoes - Demonia Swing 815
Thighs and stockings - DIY

It has been an odd winter, there isn't snow anywhere.

I love the yard on our current house. I'm not sure how much I have talked about it, but we moved to a big-ish house, we are renting for now but might or might not buy it at some point. I just adore life in a house compared to an apartment. You can be as loud as you want, you can shower in the middle of the night, you can keep your blinds open since our back yard is pretty sheltered. You can jump around your own private backyard taking outfit pictures without any worries. It's lovely.

Did you make any resolutions for 2020?